Christian Dating – The Great Oxymoron?

30 Apr

For quite some time I have known that the way we “date”  is not quite right.  I have remained silent for so long because I could not quite wrap my mind around an alternative. I have been exploring alternatives to relationship building (as I call it) while preparing to share this information with first the parents and then the teens at my church. 

First of all, parents have to answer the question – Is it my goal for my daughter/son to keep their virginity intact until marriage.  Is it my desire that my child reserve the best parts of them for their future mates? If these are not your goals and intentions then the rest of this post will not make much sense to you – however you are welcome to continue reading if you would like. 


There is too much emphasis in our culture on sex and relationships.  My daugher enjoyes Disney Channel with all her little heart, but unfortunately the number of shows she is allowed to watch is dwindling.  Even those that started off on good ground are slowly moving from the safe zone to the “girl you better turn that” zone.  When our children turn 13 or 14 we don’t kick them out the house and tell them to go out there and just do the best that they can.  We continue to provide for their physical needs such as food, clothing and shelter – but when it comes to relationships we tend to take a hands off approach.  We are to be intimately involved in their lives – every aspect.  As much as they are not prepared to provide for their physical needs, they are also not prepared for the emotional world of dating and boy/girl friends.  As parents and members of the faith and community at large we have an obligation to protect them from threats – dating before the proper time is a threat.  Here are some rules that I believe will help us in this effort.

  1. We are to become a culture that embraces and prepares our children for marriage.  A young man and woman should be looking towards this end just as we prepare them for college. 
  2. Until a man is able to provide financially, emotionally and spiritually for a family he should not be allowed to pursue a young woman.  So many women get caught up with men  little boys who are not equipped to provide for even their basic needs because the culture no longer expects them to.

Part II tomorrow…


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